Postingan awal di tahun baru ini sebenarnya dimulai dengan curhat ;p
Once upon a time my mom told me “we could get what we want but not what we like, and vice versa, we could get what we like but not what we want. We simply couldn’t have both, that wouldn’t be allowed”. I remembered that I responded with silence. In my conscience, I reject that. I want to believe: one thing we could do is to try, and we shouldn’t restrict the result. Maybe we got what we like, maybe we got what we want, maybe we couldn’t have both, but also, maybe we could have both. I want to believe, the generous of God is unlimited, so that it was okay to ask everything you want, because you could not ask another human to do so. However, I didn’t told my mom that. She talked based of her live longer-than-me experience, and I would not want to shrink her misery with my-sound-so-greedy-thought.
But somehow, the philosophy injected in my head and make me wonder…
I ever heard some people say, when you ask for something, have you ever though you deserve to ask for that? Why some prayed granted, while another not? Some people given an easier path because they deserve it more than another, by being faithful or obedience. And I couldn’t agree. Could we really judge our worthiness? Shouldn’t God being munificent, free from human judgement?
Ah, have I already fall for that deadly sin by being greedy?
I heard God always granted all of human wishes: He gave it right away, He prolonged that, or He replace it for something better.
But I have this doubt in my head. If it really so, why should people suffering? Why should some woman couldn’t conceive? Why would mother lost her children? Why there is war? Why some person should dying suffer from cancer? The powerless of human become an evidence for greater strength above. I have those faith. But I couldn’t understand. Sometimes it doesn’t make sense. If we were powerless, why could live become so hard?
I know it is so hard to place your mind in a constant gratefulness.
But I want to try… I want to believe… Even if the naïveté that I hold.
Live is good even if we couldn’t escape from suffering. All wishes always granted even if we could not figure it out.
Postingan ini, saya dedikasikan untuk diri sendiri ;p