Plan B 

Seringkali, keikhlasan ialah satu satunya cara to keep us sane, being our only salvation. When you already did the best thing you could, the result could be what you want or…not. Selalu ada faktor lain yang menentukan hasil, walaupun – mungkin – porsinya tidak sebesar usaha. Some people call it luck, x factor, or destiny, the certainty of uncertainty in our future universe. 

Saya pikir, ikhlas ialah satu satunya senjata dalam menghadapi ketidakpastian masa depan. Menjaga supaya manusia tidak menyerah begitu saja dalam ketidakpastiannya. Melindungi supaya manusia tidak terpuruk saat usaha terbaiknya dikacaukan karena ketidakpastiannya- juga. 

Namun, ikhlas itu sulit. I never got how should I overpass something by manage my feeling only. Sometimes I kept speaking in my head. But the other effort that truly helpful, also,  is: to keep busy, have another life and another plan. To keep pray for the result and also have a back up plan if you fail or plan B.

Disanalah saya terjebak. Saat ini saya tidak punya plan B. Saya bahkan tak punya motivasi. Yesterday, someone ask me: what is your motivation? What you would do if you fail? I didn’t know what and how to answer. Bagaimana saya bisa ikhlas bila saya tidak menentukan arah? Jika saya tidak punya rencana cadanga?

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