A friend of mine ever asked what forgiving really is. When you being hurt so bad and the people who hurt you said their truly sorry, then you really want to forgive them. You said to yourself and to the people that you forgive them, but you could not behave and act as usual. You could not afford yourself to feel this feeling again. Every time you and the people met or having any connection you remember that accident, and the same ache appear again. The people just already hurt you that bad, so it was like a wound that give you a visible nasty scar. No matter you already sounded the repetition in your head: “I already forgive her/him/them”, but that hurt feeling still there, and you could not forget how bad it was. How should you forgive? How should you forget? Is the only way to forgive means to forget?
When we hurt someone, the simplest, cheapest, and most possible act to do is to apologies. We commonly make a mistake and sometimes we could not repair, when it damage to the other, how could we show our remorse if not by said sorry first? Otherwise, when we come as the object, the people who already being hurt, sometimes it is not easy to accept the apologies. We could say we already forgiving but how could it possible if the pain we endure still remain there?
If pain is a non-bleeding-wound, maybe forgiving should thought when you could see the scar, but that does not make you feel ache anymore. So someday in the future when we remind this pain, this act that make us hurt, the pain is not a pain anymore. It appeared just like a permanent black dot in wide paper. It remain there, but just not apparent. How could this become possible? The damage already there, we couldn’t change, but we could modify the container as long as we will. Maybe that the sense of forgiving. Forgiving means we learn how to broaden our mind and heart. Just as we learn how to survive in life, we going to learn by listening, by seeing, by helping, by moving, by make a journey and that always need time, but we could learn, we could make an effort. So when we being hurt, someone apologies, and we said we forgiving, it become the first step. We accept one word sorry, that mean we want to learn how to accept it sometimes. Maybe that couldn’t said as we already forgiven but we tried to, we will, and we already make an effort. When we said something unforgiven, we lock our heart and head for that will. Like all the thing in our life, to forgiving or unforgiving is a choice. What would you like to take?
* through walking along to reach home with Tari