Birthday Thought

The Eid and the birthday come consecutively. That should to be a happy moment, but it is hard to feel happy when you are far from your family, moneyless, get backbone sick, headache, and so on ^^..

Gw sedih, dari ngebayangin lebaran jauh dari keluarga, hati gw kayak dirobek,diinjek, dihancurkan, ditumbuk, sampai serpihan-serpihannya gak bersisa *alai bin lebai, apalagi benar-benar mengalaminya. Gw gak bisa ketemu orangtua, sholat id bareng, bantu-bantu emak bersih-bersih rumah, makan ketupat bareng, for this first time

And turning **th years old after dat, make it worse.. Gw jadi ngereview hidup gw. There`s much things I wanna do, there`s much dream I wanna hold. At this point, apa yang sudah gw dapet? Apa yang sudah gw berikan untuk orang tua, untuk orang lain…*feel life like a big trash L.

As some friends congrats and wish me a happy birthday… I found my self asking: “Am I Happy?”

And I find out

Yeah, I don`t have an ideal life that I keep picturing in my mind…

I still can`t reach the promising that I have made when I was younger to my older self…


Setidaknya I have a place that I called home, a place where I wanna go back…

Setidaknya there`s still a hope inside my heart that I wanna carrying along…

Setidaknya gw masih diberi kesempatan buat hidup…

Then, I found myself asking again, what I wanna do for the rest of my life?

Maybe I can say “to live happily, to do something useful for universe”

I still don`t have a concrete answer…* How Ababil it sound

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